‘Twas the night before Christmas and Emma was musing…

It’s Christmas eve, and I’ve been doing a little reflecting on the past year. Its been intense to say the least: God has stretched me and taught me a lot in 2010. But more on that later.

One of the lessons that has stood out throughout the year is the idea that I am screwed up. No matter how much I may want to, I am far from perfect. I’m not going to meet everyone’s expectations or desires of me. More than that, I’ve really realized just how(for lack of a better word) wicked I can be: I hurt people without meaning to, I act without realizing the effect on the people I care about. I fail. I am truly flawed. I really related to the idea that I am a great sinner. I get the phrase ‘great sinner’ from a quote from John Newton, who said on his deathbed, “My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things: that I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Savior.”

Tonight at our beautiful Christmas Eve service at church, the second part of that quote really hit home.

In thinking about the birth of Christ, I cannot help think about his death. Because more clearly than any other person in history, Christ was born with a visible purpose: to die. In his life he perform miracles, he loved deeply, he taught truth, but the most important thing was that he came to die. For us-the very same people he lived among, healed, taught and loved. Its not like he became an adult and ‘discovered’ his purpose: as an immortal, all-knowing God, he went into human life knowing what would happen. Before he was conceived, he knew he would have to die. He was not only giving up living in paradise for 33 years- he was going to have to endure a tortuous death, be completely separated from God and be offered up for the screw ups and mistakes of every single person to ever walk the planet.

Woah.

Jesus knew he would have to go through all that to save human. Even at their best, not a single person will love him back all the time.

That is nothing short of incredible.

This year has clearly taught me that I have fallen way short. Of perfection (obviously), but even of the person I want to be, wish I could be. I am in desperate need of a Savior. And Christ, who has seen all of my mess, was born to be just that.

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